Ask the Experts: Stand By Me – How to Choose Your Bridesmaids

Congratulations on your engagement, you must be in a very excited state of mind right now. Once the high of being proposed to is dissipating and you face the wedding planning that comes next, you’re going to either have two main emotions. The first will be utter trepidation at the fact that weddings are massive. Even if they’re not massive in size, they are still massive to organise. The second is an abject excitement that you’re about to embark on this stage of your life. When you think about the people you want standing with you on the biggest day of your life, who comes to mind?

Maybe you have a lot of people in mind, maybe you only have one or two, but choosing your bridesmaids is not actually as easy as you’d think it would be. Your bridesmaids stand with you through the highs and lows of wedding planning, and they stood with you before you were married and before you met your now fiance and before you even got together.

The people that you choose to stand by your side deserve so much when it comes to being asked to be a bridesmaid, so it’s time to break out the bridesmaid proposal box and get on with making  it spectacular! When you’re asking your bridesmaids to stand with you on your big day, it is an honour for them to be asked to do such a big job. So you need to make sure that you choose people who you know will be there for you. Let’s take a look at how to do it.

photo by  Hannah Turner Photography – full wedding here 

1) Think about how many bridesmaids you want. Are you planning a large wedding or a small wedding? Because it doesn’t really matter. You can still have as many bridesmaids as you like. Whether it’s two bridesmaids or 10, the total should be very reflective of your personal preference as to who you would need by your side. You should never feel obliged to ask somebody just because they’re a family member or because they may be a longtime friend, you have to choose somebody you want.

2) Talk to your family. You do not want to have a family feud on your wedding day, but you do need to let everybody know who will be and who won’t be a part of your bridal party. Sisters, sister in laws, nieces, cousins, third cousins, aunties twice removed. All of these people are going to believe that they have a space as a bridesmaid on your special day. If all you want is your very best friends from school, then that’s absolutely fine, but talk to your family in advance so they don’t get any ideas about what’s not going to happen.

photo by James Pearce Wedding Photography – full wedding here 

3) Make a list. You might have a very big social circle, but you should be making a list as to which friends are your nearest and dearest. Think about those you speak to regularly and who show a genuine interest in your life. Think about those who are trustworthy, kind, and keep your secrets. Think about those who have been by your side through every thick and thin and through every big event in your life. They are the keepers, and they’re the ones who will make the best bridesmaids.

4) Don’t forget your childhood friends. You could have long time friends, but that doesn’t mean that they are close enough to you to be asked to stand with you on your wedding day. A childhood friend who is a friend for life should always be considered as one of the leading ladies. It’s nice to be able to have people stand with you, but the people that you choose really should mean something to you.

photo by Heart of Hearts Photography – full wedding here 

5) Take all advice with a pinch of salt. You may have chosen bridesmaids who have been married before, but that doesn’t mean you have to take their advice about the wedding day or about the wedding plan. This is your day, which means you get to have everything your way. Those who want to be there with you can support it, and those who don’t want to support it don’t have to be there.

6) Flower girls don’t count. Your flower girls are outside of your bridesmaids party, which means that however many flower girls you choose to have don’t include that in your numbers. For bridesmaids, if there are infant relatives or children of your own to accommodate, think about how this could look in the photos and on the group dynamic.

photo by Leanne Jade Photography – full wedding here 

7) Make a proposal to your maid of honour. We talked about a bridesmaid proposal box earlier on and when it comes to choosing your maid of honour, you need to go above and beyond this. Once you’ve decided on your bridesmaid squad, you need to have one who is going to step forward and take that lead role. It may be an obvious decision, such as your best friend or your big sister, but for those who need a little bit more help considering it, the responsibilities that come with the chief position should be laid down first.

8) Assign different roles. Once you’ve decided on your maid of honour, think about what part the rest of your bridesmaids will play. They should all have some input in the bridal hen party, but you can also assign individual tasks such as DIY projects, arranging hair and makeup, or coordinating dress fittings.

9) Celebrate. One of the biggest moments and the best moments of planning a wedding is announcing to your bridesmaids that they have made the cup. There will be drinks, hugs, tears and laughter, and everybody will be able to share an unbreakable bond that will always be treasured.

photo by Gregg Kmita Photography – full wedding here

Once you settle on your line up, you can then feel comfortable in moving forward with your wedding plans, knowing that you’re not doing it alone. Your bridesmaids will be your advocates, and they’ll be your besties up there as you say the vows that you hopefully keep for life.

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