Today I am taking you to Warwick for the bright and beautiful wedding of Lucy...
I’m too busy to be ill – the old work life balance rears its ugly head again!
Another load of ramblings from me again I’m afraid, but this is something that has been playing on my mind for a while now, and only really came to a head yesterday when I woke up ill!
I’m busy……and I seem to spend my whole life telling people I’m busy, or making excuses for things because I’m too busy.
Being self-employed, for those of you who are, will understand me when I say it takes over your life!……and unfortunately I still haven’t quite managed the balance between work and life!
I made a new year’s resolution this year to make more time for my husband, my family and my friends…and have I?…..No I haven’t! I’m still working every hour and even harder than I was.
So yesterday when I woke up from a rubbish night’s sleep of coughing and spluttering, and realised that maybe I wasn’t 100%….I realised that I hadn’t made any head way at all. The first thing I thought was, not ‘I should stay in bed and take the day off and get myself better’ my first thought was ‘I’m too busy to be ill’……..so I got up stumbled round the house, put a load of washing in, fed the cat, put the washing form yesterday away, made the bed…had a shower and then wondered why I felt dizzy and sick. My compromise was to cancel my one appointment of the day, put my pyjamas on and sit at my desk all day and plough through my to do list!……..my reasoning was that I was in my PJs, so it wasn’t work really!!
But why couldn’t I take the day off?…………Guilt! guilt from the feeling that I wasn’t working hard enough, that if I dared to take a day off work the rest of the world would look down on me and think I was a bad wedding planner, a bad blogger, a bad person for letting by body get the better of me.
I like so many other people I’m sure am my own worst enemy, I put myself under so much pressure that I sometimes forget I’m not a machine. I work till 1-2am every night, I wake up at 7am and I get up and do the whole thing over again…….but is this productive, probably not!
But I feel that if I don’t then people will think badly of me.
(image from work life balance )
The weird thing is it’s the people who take the time off that I am most envious of, I see people tweeting about their days off in the middle of the week, shopping trips and lunch dates…..and I think to myself I can’t ‘because I’m too busy!’…again I’m my own worst enemy!
But what can I do about it? The ‘busy’ work that I am doing is real work, it’s brides emailing me all day every day, it’s new suppliers getting in contact, it’s new enquires coming in, proposals I’m writing, time lines I’m writing for upcoming weddings, suppliers I’m chasing, or suppliers I’m trying to find, new blog submissions coming in, people asking to be featured, invoices to send out, articles to write, blogs to read, blog post to put together…….the list is endless, as is my to do list!……but I’m sure anyone around me is just fed up of hearing it. But with the 24 hour contactable society that we live in now, it really is endless…emails, office phone, mobile, twitter Facebook, texting……so many ways to stay in contact…..it’s almost impossible to switch off!
It’s hard trying to juggle work and life, especially when you have 2 full time wedding jobs, being a planner is completely unsociable, as anyone who works in the wedding industry will understand weekends are pretty much all taken up with…well weddings, and those weekends that aren’t you are normally to knackered to even do anything. And as for the blogging well that just fits in all the gaps where the wedding planning isn’t, there aren’t that many jobs you can do at 2am…..but this one you can!
My mother in law popped round the other day to drop Nik’s birthday present off, could I stop and talk to her……no, I rushed her in and rushed her out the house again as soon as she had put the present on the kitchen counter! Complaining that I was ‘too busy!!’
My Husband said to me yesterday, do you ever speak to Julie anymore (I used to work with Julie in my past job) my reply was ‘no I don’t but, I don’t really speak to anyone any more’…..well that just isn’t good enough! My friends have taken a back seat to my work, I said it on January 1st so I’m saying it again…………….I need my life back!
I need to stop feeling guilty if I take a day off and not feel that I have to justify myself when I do.
(image from achieving a work life balance)
So what am I trying to say?? Well I guess in writing this it is my own cathartic (cheers for the word Kat) way of reminding myself what I said in January and actually trying to do something about it.
I need to stop feeling guilty for taking time off, and I need to actually take the time off! I need to manage my time better and don’t let me inbox rule my life!
And next time I’m ill I’ve got to stop being a martyr and stop! Slow down and take care of myself!
So if anyone hears me saying I’m too busy, slap me (virtually, not for real) and tell me to pull myself together, look at my time management and have some bloody fun!
I’m off to Cornwall next week for a few days to visit my mum and to spend some time with my Nik for our 2 years wedding anniversary. While I’m away I’m going take the time to try and figure up how to free up my time…as Nik says don’t work harder work smarter….and I’m not going to feel guilty for being away!
If anyone has any tips on guilt free relaxation or ways to work smarter do let me know, I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like this??