Sometimes, when deciding to go intimate, especially with a wedding ceremony, you might be tempted...
Last month we introduced you to our new Boho Bride and Groom, Sarah and Del. They spoke about the planning process and how they plan to personalise their wedding with influences from around the world. This time we hear from Del and the art of proposing. It’s a beautifully written, honest look at what was a slightly stressful, very emotional and obviously wonderful moment, from the groom’s point of view. Something you don’t often read about.
I thought I would blog about proposals from a guy’s perspective by trying to explain when it hit me that I should start the process and what guys go through that their partners never really see (it’s not just case of as big a diamond as possible winner). But before I do that, here’s a wee update on where we’re at right now with planning.
Preparations are moving forward & we got to do more organising the last couple of weekends as we went back to Glasgow for the Commonwealth games which were incredible. We did experience a few setbacks though, most importantly we had arranged to meet the Humanist but they double booked our date so we’re now desperately trying to find someone else to do the wedding! In more positive news, Sarah’s picked her bridesmaids dresses which look trem, I’ve made arrangement for my tartan trousers to be made and ended up picking a brownish tartan (seen plenty at the Glasgow Commonwealth last week). On my to-do list is to get the Ushers, Best Man and Dad to sort theirs out next. Also, we have decided on our rings with Glasgow jeweller Alison MacLeod Jewellers – very unique (she loved the engagement ring as well…was well chuffed!).
So, the wedding is something to look forward but let’s talk about the proposal…the most nervous day of my life. Over time and especially since the engagement I have realised how much work goes into planning and organising the big day for our enjoyment and to strengthen the bonds that unite Sarah and I. I had been going out with Sarah for 8 years and one day it just clicked, it was on a day where Sarah was not at home and I really missed her and looked back on our old photos where we had travelled abroad or been on nights out together or attended music festivals. So, on to the planning.
When is the right moment? Is there ever a right moment?! People often get married due to pressure from peers, because kids, it “seemed right”, “we’ve been going out forever”, or as I would like to hope in all cases, because you really want to be closer to that special person that means everything to you, someone who shares your joys, woes and life experiences.
Whether your male partner is an avid Sports watcher, couch potato or even someone who cares but has never shown any interest in marriage, he will throw all those shallow views of him aside by taking a major step in asking for your hand, and whether you believe it or not, has made the biggest commitment of his life. So, the proposal is a moment to bring you and your partner closer and as an event it should represent the good things about your relationship and where possible, remind you of experiences you have shared, to leave a lasting moment that will never be forgotten. For me it had to be a moment that would warm Sarah’s heart, as I am not particularly great at conveying how much she means to me. I know I am not alone and most British guys tend to keep their cards close to their chest and not show emotion. However, I believe that whole ring buying experience and proposal allows you to express yourself.
Soon after, I started looking in the ‘typical’ local jewellers but kept seeing generic rings – it almost seemed to be a competition as to how much money you have to get the biggest diamond you could. I found this a major put off as I felt that the ring had to have individuality. For me the engagement ring was one of the most important stages, as your partner will wear it for the rest of their life as a sign of commitment. So eventually, I found a ring shop on the internet based in Brighton (yes far from my home) and came across ring that gave me some inspiration. I then made some design alterations in co-operation with the shop to tailor the ring. The ring itself was a Ceylon Sapphire on a platinum band with pave set diamonds. I hoped I could find something timeless and something quirky like my Sarah.
Photo source: Etsy.com
Buying the ring was a very stressful time, because I had to tell some white lies along the way. One night I needed to put a ring sizer on her finger so decided to get Sarah really drunk so that she would sleep through anything. Unfortunately, she woke up, and in my effort of trying to get Sarah drunk, I myself was slightly worse for wear and also fell asleep leaving the sizer on her finger. Early the next morning I woke up to Sarah screaming that something was jagging her side, and realising what it was I jumped on her and recovered the ring sizer before she saw what it was. However, as I grabbed it out of her hand she thought I was going to attack her…as a reward I got a week of silent treatment – typical!
I attempted to make the experience the happiest moment of Sarah’s life. I did this by keeping the ring a secret, buying it before I proposed, and by not mentioning to one single person that I planned to propose. This was an arduous task but she really loved that I managed to keep my big mouth shut and didn’t ask permission to wed. I know that some people find this important but Sarah is her own person and doesn’t feel comfortable with her future being discussed without her.
So where to do the deed? Pick somewhere special to your partner, somewhere you have memories, for me it was in Madrid, El Retiro park near the rowing boats, where we spent lots of time when Sarah attended University for a year: her home from home.
So most importantly to all guys out there, my message would be if you are considering getting engaged then do it with conviction, and make it special, a moment that you’ll both remember forever. My advice is don’t be afraid to express yourself even if this seems out of character, this is the best chance you’ll have to tell the person you love most… Remember, this is the person who you can be embarrassed in front of and a minute later shamed that you were embarrassed in the first place. The only thing you should be worried about is insurance and a good hiding place for the ring until you pop the question!
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