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Last month we introduced you to our new Boho Bride and Groom, Sarah and Del. They spoke about the art of proposing and Del’s passion for tartan. This time Sarah asked us if it would be OK to talk about fear. We of course said Yes! It’s vital that brides and grooms feel they can use Boho Weddings to gain valuable advice and tips on ALL aspects of wedding planning and that includes the subjects that are a little more sensitive.
Hello all, it’s Sarah! This month has flown by – I hope all of your wedding plans are coming along well. We don’t have much to report as we are heading off on holiday for a few days so writing this post early (by the time you’re reading this we’ll be back and suffering from post-holiday blues!). But, we are excited to say that the wedding is now back on track as we’ve found a Humanist to conduct our ceremony, after gaining help from the lovely James at Humanist Society Scotland, who managed to find three celebrants still unbooked for our wedding date. I’m really happy with the lovely Claire and think we’ll have lots of fun planning the ceremony. So, on to this month’s blog, where we’re talking about the wedding ‘fear’. Having recently read an article about a woman’s ‘pure unbridled fear’ about everything concerning attending a wedding, I realised how scary weddings are to me too! And so we started discussing the scary things about weddings and thought we’d write a little about how scary weddings can be!
At first, there were so many things I could think of when writing about ‘fears’, but then realised that a lot of these are stresses, so I’m trying not to confuse the two. I think stresses are the things like worrying about booking the right venue, or finding the right dress. These can be dealt with more easily, whereas fears are much harder to remedy. That’s not to say stresses are insignificant. You’re spending so much money on one day, and so there are going to be stresses associated with that. And that’s where one of my biggest fears stems from – becoming the dreaded ‘bridezilla’. This was one of my biggest fears when we began planning and it almost dictated the way we went about talking to suppliers and venues. I’d heard the term so many times, about brides being really demanding and picky about everything associated with the wedding. But then I realised that it didn’t really matter! I mean, should the word even exist? If you’re excited about your day and work with suppliers who are excited to work with you in creative ways, then that’s all that matters!
Together our biggest fear, and source of stress too, so far has been upsetting friends and family with the guest list. We found our perfect venue at the side of a loch, and it’s not a significantly small venue, but we both have huge families who together would more than fill it before we even had a chance to invite friends. So we really had to be tight with our numbers. We had to decide that cousins couldn’t come to the wedding, and to ask many of our friends to come as singles in a group, rather than in couples. It was hard telling people this but it was better to be upfront about it, and most seemed to understand our reasons.
Del: For me, a niggling worry is the cost. Weddings are expensive, whether you are being reserved or going all out. They are a massive financial commitment. We are saving but we don’t want to sit in every night for a year prior to the wedding and end up getting on each other nerves. We are always on the go and to stay at home to do nothing wouldn’t feel right. Both sets of parents will be assisting with the finances and we are saving but without doubt we are going to feel the pinch as the wedding gets closer especially whilst trying to lead a normal and healthy social life.
(Photo source: Boho Weddings 365 Happiness Project)
Sarah: So, onto the biggest source of ‘unbridled’ fear. The wedding day itself! I’m not a fan of being the centre of attention, and although I’d have loved an intimate tiny ceremony, unfortunately the large families and distance our guests are having to travel mean that we’ll be marrying in front of at least 80 people. 80 pairs of eyes watching me make intimate vows, not to mention following me up the aisle. I have real insecurities about my body, and as much as my beautiful dress does a lot to allay those fears, I still am not particularly looking forward to walking down the aisle. I would love to have done a ‘first look’ shoot to calm my nerves, but it’s not something that Del wants to do. So I hope that when the day comes around I won’t be a nervous wreck because all of the other emotions of the day will overwhelm that fear.
Del: My main fears about the day itself are the things I can’t control, so someone letting us down, food not being good, having an unfilled dancefloor. You can only hope that people come to your wedding in a frame of mind that they are going to enjoy the day rather than judge it against other weddings. We really don’t want a competition just a place for people to let their hair down, not hang about in cliques and embrace the theme/atmosphere of the wedding.
(Photo source: A beautiful disaster by S6 Photography)
Sarah: I can guarantee that my Grandma & Grandad will be filling the dance floor with their strictly-style ballroom and Latin dancing! I’ve allayed one of our fears about the wedding ceremony by deciding that no matter what happens with the weather, we’ll be marrying outside. It’s what we wanted from the day we saw the venue, and after seeing the ‘beautiful disaster’ wedding of Hurricane Bertha, I am even more convinced that whatever the weather, we’ll have great fun. And so, I suppose it’s never good to be scared about your own wedding, but for me it’s all related to ongoing issues that aren’t exclusive to the wedding, and other fears are things that can be managed with careful organisation.
We’re not fearful of marrying one another, which I guess is very positive, and everything else can be dealt with. All we need to do is talk to one another, be honest about our feelings, and understand those of others. That goes for guests as well as bride & groom. We’re happy to answer any questions from our guests about anything they’re unsure of – all they need to do is ask! And so I’ll finish with what might be an obvious question – why get married if the wedding is so scary? Because the wedding is only one day & the marriage will last for the rest of your life. And I fully expect to enjoy every second of the day despite my niggling fears.