13

Nov

2013

Wedding Wednesday Discussions – Will You Be Taking Your other Half’s Name?

 

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What’s in a name? Well a whole lot it seems when you are deciding whether or not to take your other half’s surname when you get married!
I have heard so many opinions on this over the years, so today I wanted to ask you what you thought.

Personally for me not taking Nik’s surname was never an option for me. All I wanted to do all my life was get married, I couldn’t wait to get rid of Kelly Lynch and become Mrs Kelly….
I have never had a good relationship with my father, him and my mum got divorced when I was 14 and there is certainly no love lost between myself and him, so getting rid of the Lynch symbolised my last ties with him, so shedding the Lynch and becoming a Hood and my own person. However I know this is probably not a normal reaction to taking on a partners name.
My sister in law in the other hand was really quite sad about losing the family name of Hood, she was pleased to become a Brewer but her family name meant so much more to her that my old one did to me.

No man should presume that you will instantly want to take his name, while others should not judge you if you decide that you want to (or don’t want to)
I have heard so many view points on this. Some women feel it ridiculous not to take the name, and wouldn’t even give taking the man’s name a second thought. While others feel it goes against everything they stand for as a women.
Some family members will expect you to change your name, while your mother may feel upset that you no longer have the same name as her.

In my view there really is no right or wrong answer! It’s your name and totally up to you what you choose to do, but it is something that you and your partner need to discuss between the two of you.

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(Photo Binky Nixon – Full wedding HERE)

 

Reasons to take the name

  • Tradition
  • You may not like your old name
  • It makes you feel more married
  • It makes you feel more like a couple
  • It’s easier when you have children
  • It’s easier if you already have children

 

Reasons not to take the name

  • You may not like his name
  • You may really like your own name
  • You may feel a loss of your own identity
  • Changing your name is a lengthy and expensive thing to do
  • You may be well known by your own name in your line of work and changing it may lose you customers
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(Photo by Nicola Thompson  – Full wedding HERE)

 

Other options to taking his name

  • Double barrel your name and his
  • Create a brand new surname combing yours and his surnames
  • Both take your name
  • Change your name legally, so it is easier for the children and for travel, but keep your maiden name for work etc.

 

  • Tip if you do intend to change your name, make sure you order more than one marriage certificate, that way you can do more than one name change at a time. For example, when changing your passport or driving licence, you will be expected to send your marriage certificate off in the post, which means you won’t be able to change any other documents until it returns.

 

I am finding it is becoming more common for women not to take the man’s name these days. I am coming across more women and couples who have decided on an alternative options. Is this showing a trend in women becoming more independent? Maybe, or maybe it’s just a sign that there is more choice these days. We are also encouraged to think about our decisions more! And the implications they will have on the next generation.

Whatever you decide to do make sure it is your decision, just like planning a wedding, make sure you don’t get bullied into something you don’t want!
Personally I Love having the same name as Nik, it makes me feel like we are a stronger unit together, but I am also aware that not everyone feels like this!

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(Photo by Shell De Mar – Full wedding HERE)

 

So over to you. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are you planning to change your name, or are you planning to keep it. Are you already married what did you decide to do? How did other people react to your decision? Feel free to add your thoughts to the discussion.

 

 

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Comments

    Rachel VK

    People were really surprised when I took my husband’s surname. Everyone assumed that I wouldn’t – which I thought was really interesting! Even my husband was surprised.

    I had an unusual surname before I got married, and I loved it, and I love having shared it with my lovely family. And to be completely honest, I may not have changed it if it weren’t for the fact my husband has an even more unusual and very awesome surname.

    I do, however, think it’s nice to be joined in that way, and I think that I’ll like having the same name as my children when that day comes.

    Reply
    Kirra

    Have always thought I would keep my maiden name, but since meeting Tim I actually love the idea of sharing his surname and being a family. In my work a name change would really complicate things though so am planning on having the best of both worlds and using maiden name for professional use, married name for everything else :)

    Reply
    Laura Parker

    Great post Kelly – I’ve ranted about this before (see here: http://www.themrsmakes.com/2013/09/is-it-all-in-name-laura-rose-would.html) but ultimately I think it’s disgusting that we get judged for whatever decision we make!

    It is not the age of ‘belonging’ to the husband, so if we should choose to take, or not, his surname so be it. I thought I’d hear comments if I didn’t take his name when I got married, but truth is I (quite rudely I must add!) had a few colleagues confront me about changing my name! It would seem that you’ll get comments whatever you choose, so in my view do whatever you like for your own reasons and no-one else!
    L x

    Reply
    Martina

    This is a great topic. I took my husbands surname because I really liked it, however I feel regrets sometimes and wish I kept mine. It did feel a bit like loss of my own identity. Actually I think idea of creating brand new surname combing yours and his is fantastic and so out of the box.

    Reply

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