13

Jun

2012

Wedding Wednesday Discussions: It’s all in the Detail………But How Important are the Details?

I wasn’t too sure whether I should post todays discussion or not, After all my job as a blogger is to talk about details and to showcase the best weddings with the best decoction, designs, and all over fabulousness………..But after a family wedding and meeting with a couple of my future brides, I found myself asking the question are the details as important as we keep banging on about?

Now don’t get me wrong I love a bit of detail, God I’d be in the wrong job if I didn’t but over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking hard about what a wedding is and what is important.
My thoughts on this started when I went to my sister in laws wedding a couple of weeks ago. I had helped her with the basic planning, found her the venue, marquee, caterers, Photographer and DJ, but I wanted to leave the rest to her and her fiancé, after all it was their wedding and I had been invited as a guest, something I haven’t experienced for quite a while! To be completely honest with you I wasn’t sure how it would turn out, as she didn’t seem bothered about things that I thought were the be all and end all, how would she display the guest book, where would the presents and cards go, and what about decoration? She had opted for a very minimalistic look after seeing this wedding on my blog a few months ago.

marquee wedding ( photo by S6 Photography Full wedding HERE)

The morning of the wedding I cannot tell you how nervous I was, I didn’t stop crying from the moment I woke up till the midnight when the wedding finished, I was so over run with emotion, and so happy for her that she had at last got to marry the man she had been waiting to marry for 10 years that I then realised THAT was what was important, them getting married! Everyone at that wedding was happy for them and had come to celebrate the fact and enjoy their day! And really that was the important factor and really what a wedding is about.

sheffield wedding planner (photo by Nicola Thompson Photography  more images HERE)

 

Yes the details are an added bonus, but how important are they?

 

My second thoughts on this came when talking with one of my brides a couple of days after the wedding. She wanted to talk about where she and got to with her wedding in August and ask my advice on the final bits and bobs. It turned out she was worried that she hadn’t filled her venue with a tone of decoration, and was worried about favours and what would suit her theme. After a while of talking about it, we came to the same conclusion, no one was going to notice the favours and the venue was so beautiful filling it with a load of decoration would be a waste of item and money. She spoke about her expectations and her worry of what her guests would think if it wasn’t dripping in details, I then drew back to my sister on laws wedding and reminded her that people where there to see her and her fiancé get married, and THAT was the most important thing to focus on………….

Hassop Hall (Photo from Hassop Hall  )

 

But was I right saying this?

As a blogger it is my job to deliver you with inspirational wedding ideas, advice and keep you up to date with the latest trends. So yes I do love the detailed weddings I feature, BUT I am also aware that there is a HUGE pressure on brides these days to make their wedding individual.
Someone told me a few days ago about a bride who was the first one of her friends to get married and how she felt she and the hardest job, as she had to set the bar for the other brides, like it was some kind of competition! This took me back to the times in my 20s when my friends all started to get married. Each wedding I went to I’d gather the bits I liked and disliked and kept them in a mental box for the time I got married! As it turned out I got married way later than I thought I would and didn’t use any of these ideas! BUT it did make me realise the pressure some couples feel themselves under to make their day different, quirky, personal and to stand out from the crowd!

 

So as blogger am I guilty of adding to this pressure?

 

As a wedding planner when I meet with my couple’s for the first time, I do find I have the same conversation with them. I tell them what to expect over the next few months, after all most people when planning a wedding really don’t know what to expect. I tell them to remember why they are getting married (something that admittedly I lost sight of when I was getting married myself) advice like:
• Don’t let the wedding consume you
• Do the planning in bite size chunks
• Don’t do it every day,
• Leave time for each other
• Have days when you don’t talk about the wedding at all

And I truly believe all these points to be important factors when planning a wedding.

english country wedding (phoyto by  Andrew Billington  Full wedding HERE)

As a Blogger I feel it is important to inspire people, as I always say ‘create the wedding you want, not the one you’re told to have’ But as a planner it is my job to actually create that perfect wedding for them, BUT I also feel it is partly my job to prepare them for the what is ahead, after all When the cake has been cut and the presents open, what is left? Just the two of you? a marriage!

 

So I guess my question is how important are the details?

At the time of the wedding they may seem like the most import thing in the world! But will your guests remember the 50 jam jars you decorated with 5 different shades of ribbon (Ok I admit I may have got a little carried away with the decorations for my recent birthday party) or will they remember the look on your husband’s face as he sees you walking down the aisle for the first time? Will they keep the jam jar wedding favours you spent weeks making, or will they keep the memories of a truly amazing wedding when their close friend or family member tied the knot?

wedding deatils (Photo by Jess Petrie)

 

I guess it’s all a matter of keeping things in perspective. As I try to tell all my brides I work with, never loose site of why you are having a wedding, because at the end of the day it’s the marriage that counts!

 

I’d love to hear what you think? Are you having a detail heavy wedding? Or are you not bothered about the details at all? How important do you think the smaller elements are to a wedding, is it all about creating a wedding that is personal to you? or are you all about the party and the celebration?………..join in the discussion and have your say!

 

Big Boho Love
Kelly xx

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Comments

    Helen Lisk

    Really interesting post – and I’ll also be interested to see what people’s responses are. I’ve had brides apologise to me before as their wedding ‘isn’t going to be like those amazing ones with all the details’, which obviously they don’t need to apologise for!

    The details in weddings are so beautiful and I can totally understand why people get so into planning it all, after all, you want to make your day individual and special. However, I totally agree how important it is to remember that the day is all about celebrating the love between the two of you and enjoying this with your family and friends. In terms of the photography, the details are always really lovely to capture, but for me it’s the emotions between the couple that make the really stunning images!

    Reply
    Laura C

    Oooh I love this post!

    A few weeks ago I got a bit worried about the details and what went where etc. But I think I worried for about 2 or 3 days and came to the conclusion that if I like it, it’s in, if not I don’t care. Nothing matches because I couldn’t be bothered to shop for specific ribbon etc!

    No-one is going to care that our top table is an uneven amount of people, or that our bridal parties don’t have equal amounts of ushers/bridesmaids. I don’t have the foggiest about a guest book/presents or what on earth my cake is going to look like. I can tell you though that it will taste amazing, everyone will enjoy themselves and we’ll get married. And that is all that matters. :D

    xxx

    Reply
    Sam

    Hi! I’m bordering on bridezilla haha. Just under a year to go to the wedding and I nearly have everything in place and all deposits paid. I felt really please with myself planning all by self and doing what I thought was right, but now I re-thinking every decision, even down to the location. Having severe wedding dress wobbles, even though my wedding dress search was painstaking and took 6 months and multiple trips to every shop in the North West…. and breath! So you can imagine my stresses about the ‘small stuff’, I had a period of time when I was losing serious sleep over table set up, I even emailed the caterer and asked her what exact items had to fit on the table and what shapes of napkin origami could they do. Insane i know. Being a designer its in my nature to want everything to be perfect. Too much pressure! I have always wanted an Alice in Wonderland wedding, ever since I was a little girl, it’s my fave disney film and it sums me up to a T! So I went full steam ahead and bought giant teacups, teapots, bows for my bridesmaids hair and all kinds, only to be slightly put off by other brides doing the Alice thing (either badly or amazingly – to a standard I could probably never pull off!) I am now stressing the details even more, how will I pull the vision together on the day when my wedding is at 12? Ahhhh! I do love a good detail, although many wedding blogs I have seen have been so overly detailed that they stress me out a bit, I think jeeeeez, I could never create that. Anyway… like you said maybe the guests won’t notice haha. xx

    Reply
    Martina

    Details are important if they are important to the couple. I was personally moved (and I bet I wasn’t the only one) when I read the letter that Emma Case received from one of her brides when that bit of debate about the ‘staircase photo’ took place a few weeks ago, and it literally melted my heart when I read what the bride said about how important the little details at their wedding were to them; they had a meaning that was way beyond simple decoration.

    This is important. It was important to have those objects around that day.

    This is one hell of a reason! But simply wanting the venue to leave people astonished thinking ‘wow, this place is SO them!’ is a very good reason too!

    At the last wedding I went to, the bride apologised to me because ‘there weren’t ENOUGH details to photograph’, that left me a bit confused and I felt sorry she had to think that was a problem at all.
    In my humble opinion, the only case in which details shouldn’t be considered as important, is when the bride feels the need of overdo just to meet someone else’s expectation (the friend, the photographer, the wedding planner) when if it wasn’t for them she wouldn’t even think about it and would go for something minimal.

    Sorry for the long comment :)

    Reply
    boho

    Helen and Martina, yes I have heard a lot of brides appolagise becuase ther eisn’t much deatil in a wedding. As a blogger yes i love to feature weddings with deatils as they are visually interesting, but I also LOVE to fetaure the moments of emeotion, the wedding ceremony, the speeches, where you get peoples natural emaotions, THAT is what makes a wedding!

    I hate to feel that birde are under so much pressure.

    Sam your wedding sounds amazing, But you seem so strsse with it all. yes all the things you have planned are important and your guest will love you for them, but they alos want you to enjoyyour day to be calm and relaxed. try and remember there is life after the wedding, and you need to make sure you have thinsg planned for when the wedding is over other wise you will find you have a massive void in yrou life once it is all over.
    xxxx

    Reply
    Victoria

    We didn’t have favours, table centres on every table, chair covers or a load of flowers all over as neither the wedding or reception venue needed it.

    What we did have was an amazing time that everyone commented on (still do!), far too many people in said venues, good food, a dance floor that was packed and a lot of happy faces!

    Still had the best day and none of the above mattered or was missed by anyone – it was a day built around what we knew everyone would enjoy, not one built round what we are told we should have :)

    Reply
    Alison

    We planned our Wedding in about 6 – 8 weeks and, with such short timescales, and neither of us being big in to “detail” our Wedding was very small, very informal and very relaxed. No invites, no favours, no speeches, no first dance to worry about and no stress! I do sometimes wonder whether we missed out – as there was no “aahhing” or “oooohing” over the beautifully designed table plan or gasps of delight at the stunning centrepieces. In reality though I wouldn’t change a thing, as the most important part was us getting married and doing it in a way that suited us. I do totally understand however why detail is important to many Brides (and why they would probably be horrified at the thought of my detail-less Wedding!) but I guess at the end of the day it’s very much each to their own. x

    Reply
    Rosie - LoveLuxe

    It’s a really tricky one isn’t it! I think it comes down to the personality of the bride and groom (particularly the bride). If she’s actually enjoying putting the ideas together and sourcing everything (I’m a sucker for pretty things myself) then I think it will look great to have beautiful decor and serve to make them feel extra special on the day. However if as a couple they really aren’t as fussed about decor and details, then no bride should feel pressurised into making it a design fest out of fear of comparison. I think a wedding should be about what makes the bride and groom feel happy, not what they feel others expect of them. :)

    Reply
    Deborah

    For me the details are so important but thats because I am a very creative person who is so excited about making elements of the wedding and having small quirky details that tie in with my love of vintage and an overall theme of the day. However!, I do think the most important thing is marrying the man I love and weddings I ve been to with little or no detail have been special for do many other reasons.

    Debs x
    Bangonvintage.co.uk

    Reply
    Crystal

    I think that some details are important while others can just be adapted if change needs to occur. Luckily, Jake and I have been on the same page on all of our details with everything from the decor (minimalist and modern) to the seating (his cousin needs to stay FAR away from my maid of honor) to our first dance (A song by Maria Taylor) and his wedding ring (it can’t be tungsten, because we’ve learned the so called “indestructible” ring is actually brittle and could break just like my brother’s did a couple of months ago). But no matter what, I’m just glad that we seem so in sync over everything so far. Then again, we both agreed that the most important part is the sanctity of our vows and the meaning behind the day being the start of our lives together.

    Reply
    Kemba {Imbue You Wedding}

    @Crystal, you may consider titanium rings. That’s what my husband and I have had for almost 8 years and the “indestructible” symbolism still works.

    @Boho Weddings: I’m so glad you wrote this post!

    This is something that’s a little different for me since I actually design wedding stationery…part of those little details you are talking about.

    Personally, I agree with you: the marriage is the most important thing. And that’s my personal experience since I married my husband in front of a judge with no family, no friends, no photographer even (I know scandal!). It was just me and him deciding that we wanted to share our lives forever. And because of that, without all the fuss, it was a beautiful day.

    Artistically and professionally, I’m like Deborah. I love creating beautiful things that people can actually use. My advice to couples with details is to be yourself and express yourself. Our designs are influenced by global cultures and themes, so they connect with couples based on their personalities and heritage, which is a good way to make sure your wedding is about the things you love. But frankly, none of it is truly necessary. It’s really about celebrating your love and commitment in front of family and friends. And if that also means sharing design and details that you truly love with them then that’s really nice, but not critical.

    Reply

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